Babbling thoughts at 4am

Once again, I lay awake in contemplation. I don't really have updates on the IV front, seeing I am in Morgantown now for the Christmas/New Year season, and have been taking a couple days off. I've been thinking a lot about the upcoming outreach, and some fun ideas are coming to mind, but it is too soon to share...but no worries! I will post progress on that as it becomes more concrete. ^_^

I want to type out what's been on my mind, because it's almost 4am and it'd be rude to call someone to talk. :-p

Yesterday I got word from Mr. David Friend that my uncle, Eddie Hughes, died. It was honestly not a total shock. He has been struggling with colon cancer since the beginning of this year and he was going down hill fast. He will be missed, but we celebrate that he is no longer in pain and is walking the streets of gold hand in hand with the Lord he served.

I talked to my mom about Eddie's death, and then to some folks from church, and then his family. It was interesting hearing all the different views of him. With each person there was a different side of Eddie being shown, as well as different ways of reaction to his death.

I was thinking tonight about my schedule for tomorrow...get the mail, help at the church, go to the funeral, and maybe practice for Christmas eve service. Nothing profound there, but I started thinking more on the funeral, what it might be like, who may be there, the weather, what will be said, and all that. Still nothing real profound. I began to do a google search on Eddie...for whatever reason...and found out that he has a blog on blogspot. His last post was from Nov. 3 (my b-day), and he talked about Paul's thorn in the flesh and what that meant. (Go here http://backtotheword.blogspot.com/ if you want to know what he said) It was here that I realized the only real view I have on him was the one I had formed when they first moved to Morgantown. I never really spent much time with him to form any other opinion of him. I've never heard him speak or preach or read his books. I was stuck in this 1 view. I knew there was more to him than what I saw, but only tonight has it really began to sink into my thick skull.

Then I started thinking...

How do people tend to view me? My church family will see one side, my friends another, my extended family another, coworkers another, and my immediate family a completely different view from all others (and even within my family there are individual thoughts about who I am and what I represent). What does this mean? Why am I thinking about this?

It all makes sense in my head, but as I try to type my thoughts they are becoming jumbled, so please bear with me.

My conclusion: no matter what we do in our lives, no matter what we may say, people will simply have different views of us. We will have people that love us to the point of being willing to die for us, and then there will be people who wouldn't even spit on us if we were on fire. That's just how it is in most cases. So what do we do? I know many people who can't stand knowing that someone doesn't like them (as I do). We make it a point to please people to the best of our ability and beyond. If there's anyone who shows a sign of discontent with us we try to do whatever we can (usually going overboard) to fix the situation. The problem is...we can't fix it all! Look at Jesus. He had those who loved him and followed him, and then there were those who wanted to kill him. It is impossible to please everyone.

So how did Eddie make me think of this? Because at his funeral people will say things about him...undoubtedly good and wonderful things. I started thinking of what kind of legacy do I want to leave behind? When I meet my Savior face to face, what are the things he will see from my life that will have him say "Well done good and faithful servant"?

I've come to rest that I can no longer live to try and please people. It's impossible! If I've learned anything the past several years it's that when you try to live for people you get crushed, exhausted, and ridiculed. If this is how I've been treated from living for people...then why in the world am I still doing it?! It's high time that I put people in the background and put Jesus in the foreground of my life. Only when I begin to live for Him, will there be joy, peace, and satisfaction.

It is only through living our time on this earth for Christ that our lives will mean anything. There will be people we meet that will love us, and then there will be those who will care less for us. We can not define ourselves by how other people see us, but how our Father in Heaven sees us.

Think about it...when it's all said and done, and you meet Jesus at those pearly gates, it will just be you and Him. No other opinion or view will be present but yours and His. No one will be able to vouch for you, or condemn you. Your life will be laid before the two of you and your moment will come...

You're standing in front of the gates to paradise with the Creator of all things before you, the Great I AM, your Savior, your Comforter and friend. You are filled with awe at his splendor and can barely keep to your feet. He lowers himself to you and meets you where you are. As you stare into his eyes and drink in this heavenly moment you thought would never come, what will He see? What will He say?

I pray when our time comes to meet our Lord, that our lives will reflect that of Jesus. I pray we will be loving towards all people, but knowing when correction is needed. To do good, as well as preach it. To teach, train, and send others, and to spend time with God, in both community as well as alone. I pray we will feed the hungry, fight against injustice, and guide more people into the Kingdom. May our lives leave a legacy of grace and truth. May our lives bring justice and love to the world, but more importantly, may our lives be pleasing to the One we Serve. May every act we do, every word we say, every step we take be a sweet fragrance, a harmonious song pleasing to God. I pray that on that day, when it is just you and Jesus, you will hear those sweet words "Well done good and faithful servant. Welcome to Paradise. Welcome home."